This is my very 1st throwback Thursday.  I’ve spent the day walking down memory lane and enjoying old photos.  The reason I chose to hop all the way back to 2008-2009 is because I’ve been chatting with Tristan’s 2nd grade teacher from Precious Blood in Ohio and missing her and that loving, nurturing environment.

This was taken on Tristan’s last day at PB before we moved to San Antonio.  Mrs. Hoy sewed a pillow for him made from an old PB sweatshirt and everyone signed it.  We all cried as we left that day, but have been back to visit when we go back to Ohio.

Tristan was baptized here … the same church where I had my 1st communion.

I miss activities like the kids’ Christmas carol program.

They also made frequent visits to the nursing home across the street.  This was at Halloween; the kids sang bible songs.

Another visit: this time to read to the residents.

There were field trips to Aullwood and a local farm and roller skating.  I miss the seasons and nature.  I even miss those puffy coats and having to wear gloves and hats.  Sigh.

Sorry Texan friends, but in my opinion, Texas can’t compete with this natural beauty.

Precious Blood was such a loving, well-rounded learning environment.  Hugs abounded and hearts were nurtured alongside minds.

Brag alert.  Tristan is my angel (if you haven’t guessed from every other post on this blog).  I’m so proud of this kid and have to take a moment to raise him up and memorialize a very special moment in his life (which is what I love most about blogging). Feel free to skip on by this post – I know it’s wordy.  

Tristan was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society Monday, March 24.  That date also happens to be Matt’s and my wedding anniversary … best gift ever.  I don’t know how all chapters of NJHS work, but let me start from the beginning on Tristan’s journey into induction.

We received notification that Little Bear was nominated by a teacher for having a 90 or above grade average, and also having outstanding character, scholarship, leadership, service and citizenship.  We think he’s the greatest, but having his teachers and school agree and recognize his achievements is so heartwarming.

Side note … we’ve been very fortunate that he’s had some really outstanding teachers through the years and quite a few of those teachers have stayed in touch, and have had wonderful words of praise for Tristan.  Our favorite teacher (Mr. Cuda) specifically asked us to stay in touch so that he could follow Tristan’s life path. 

After the letter of nomination, Tristan had to get the endorsement of 5 teachers.  His ELA teacher is the chair of NJHS and she’s the teacher who nominated him.  She forewarned kids nominated in her classes not to ask for her endorsement. So it was a huge surprise and honor, when she walked by Tristan’s desk after handing him the nomination form, didn’t say a word, but picked up his paper and returned it with his first endorsement.  

After he turned in his form completed with the endorsements, he still had to be approved by the committee and it was a long week’s wait.  We cheered and celebrated when he received the official notification that he had been chosen.

Fast forward a few weeks to March 24 and the evening of the ceremony.  

Momma’s pride and joy

He was nervous

He has a great good of friends, and it shows that he has chosen his group well, by the fact that every one of his friends was also inducted.  I adore these kids!

The ceremony was very emotional as the teachers and counselors spoke of the kids.  Tristan’s gifted and talented teacher was given special mention at the ceremony and I teared up to hear a very special teacher receive the praise he deserved.  Each child was able to honor a teacher as a mentor, and Mr. Mann is the teacher Tristan chose (Mr. Cuda is no longer teaching, but was actually promoted to Vice Principal of an elementary school).  We were surprised and thrilled to see Mr. Cuda across the gym. Each kiddo was called up, their mentor was mentioned, and they were given certificates and their official membership cards (start the video below at 0:30 to see Tristan’s walk).

After the ceremony, we made a bee-line path to our favorite teacher.  As I later told Mr. Cuda, I watched the conversation he had with Tristan and again teared up.  This wonderfully extraordinary man is sincerely interested in Tristan’s life and well-being.  He caught Tristan up in a big bear hug, listened to every word Tristan said, and every word and response Mr. Cuda spoke to Tristan lifted Tristan’s spirit and self-esteem a bit higher.  I watched Tristan beam with pride that he was remembered and still cherished by a teacher who still means so much to him. I asked to take a photo of them and almost broke into full tears as Mr. Cuda asked if I would take a photo of the 2 of them with his camera also.  Not many men would do that.  He is truly that once-in-a-lifetime teacher.

Tristan and Mr. Cuda

As we finished with that photo, another former and special teacher from elementary rushed up to give hugs and catch up.  

Tristan with Mrs. Clark – another fantastic teacher on our favorite list

We also had a chance to thank Mr. Mann for being Tristan’s safe place in middle school and for taking over where Mr. Cuda left off.  No one can really fill Mr. Cuda’s shoes, but Mr. Mann is pretty darn amazing!

Tristan and Mr. Mann

NJHS is not just academic … these kids are expected to complete charity and service works throughout the year.  Tristan eagerly jumped at the chance to help out in an upcoming fundraiser to benefit St. Jude’s.  Tristan has lost 2 friends to cancer, so Leukemia/cancer charities and (especially St, Jude’s) have been close to his heart and have been his charities of choice for a few years now.  He squirrels away money that he receives so that he can donate, and putting in service hours to benefit the organization is something that he’s really looking forward to.

A few final words about my baby … he knows I’ve been pretty stressed lately and he came to me last night with this in hand.  He said, “I know it isn’t much, but I just wanted to give you something to remind you how much I love you, that you’re the best mom in the world, and I just wanted you to know how grateful I am for everything you do for me.”

As a line from a beautiful song in a beautiful movie says, “somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.”  I may never know what I did to deserve this child, but I will never take him for granted.  He is my light.  

Stay tuned for a very long post about Tristan’s induction to NJHS.  The ceremony was March 24, so I’m exceptionally late, but I’m taking time to document this properly.  He deserves it!

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I think there was a conspiracy to make me cry.  It began with a family dinner over the weekend when I received beautiful, heartwarming messages in my cards from the kids. Matt wrote 2 cards each full of grace and hugely loving thoughts.  Every time the waitress came to the table, tears were streaming down my face as I read another card from my angels.  

Before the waterworks

Today, I was overwhelmed with well wishes via phone, text and Facebook.  The doorbell rang with a surprise delivery of flowers from my beautiful friends, Kristin and Sherri.  Cue tears again.  This was the moment I began to suspect a conspiracy.  Seriously though, this was the best birthday ever and I am so grateful for my boys and my best friends.  Through tough times, and times of joy, these are the people I’m so blessed to walk hand in hand with.  What better way to celebrate a birthday?

Subtitle; Innocence and Belief.

So this year I had serious doubts as to whether Tristan still believes in Santa and the gang. He has always found such joy in Santa and, even more, Rudolph.  He absolutely adores Rudolph.  ADORES!  When he didn’t mention them in November (yep, he starts early), I began to wonder if the whisperings of middle schoolers had crumbled his belief.  

I debated how to approach the subject and finally decided to gently inquire as to his silence this year.  I have to admit, I was overjoyed when he said that no matter what, he will always believe and still loves them as much as ever.  My heart soars at his belief and innocence, not only in Christmas figures, but also God, Jesus, goodness and faith.

After out talk, I immediately sprung into action with our version of the Elf on the Shelf.  I have to admit (and please don’t judge me harshly) I find the actual Elf on the Shelf a bit creepy.  So a few years ago, I searched for and found a cute, stuffed Elf who arrives December 1 with letters from Santa and Rudolph and spends the remainder of December devising clever antics and bringing inspirational messages.

Here is what the Elf is up to on Day 2 … I can’t help but giggle!  He has the advent calendar in his lap and has raided some Christmas candy.  I can’t wait to see Tristan’s reaction tomorrow morning!!!!

I really love my new daily practice of meditation. Oprah’s message often incorporates prayer with meditation and it’s absolutely nourishing my soul. 

Soham (pronounced So Hum) is a Vedic mantra that basically means “I am.”

Yesterday, I began a three week meditation course offered for free by Deepak Chopra and Oprah. The first day’s meditation reflected on who I am.  The lesson began by explaining that you are your deepest desire.  This lesson couldn’t have come at a more opportune time in my life.  I’ve been struggling for a while now wondering who I am, and have struggled for years with low self-confidence, not liking who I thought I was.

From the time I was little, I only wanted to be a wife and mother.  I’ve always tried my best to be both to Matt and the boys.  Matt has always told me time and time again that I am the best of both.  He is full of reassurance and praise.  He always has been.  But there are old demons in my head.  And because of them, I’m not nearly as kind to myself as Matt is to me.  The demons often scream that I’m not pretty enough, not thin enough, that I don’t clean well enough and that the meals I cook are sub-par.  They scream that I don’t give or do enough.  And recently they’ve started shouting that I’m not young enough.  I wonder what else I could do to be a better wife.  It’s a process I work on and try to improve.  I try to shine light on the demons and see them for what they really are … scars of a past life.  Untruths that were branded on my psyche.

I wasn’t however, in that past life or this one, ever told that I was a bad mother.  I have always loved my boys with reckless abandon, and I loved being a mom from minute one. It’s a tough gig, but one I know I was created for.  I love to take care of those I love.  I love to comfort, help, teach, lead, inspire, nurture and heal.

Now that the boys are older, I often feel like I’m failing in the mommy category.  I can’t always fix their problems anymore.  The mommy magic has been shown to be just me behind the Emerald City curtain.

The 20 minute meditation lesson spoke about connecting with and understanding who you are, what you most deeply desire, and gently closed with the affirmation that whatever you discover during the meditation, you are perfect.  So last night after all was quiet, I took my computer and headphones to my comfy chair, turned out the lights, lit a candle and settled in.  The guided meditation began with soft, soothing music and focused on stillness and repeating Soham.  I didn’t expect much, but gamely focused and stilled myself and my breathing.

This is what happened …. several minutes into the meditation, tears began to flow.  I wasn’t boo-hooing, or crying or sobbing in my normal fashion, the tears just began to stream down my face.  I didn’t stop them.  Then the words began.  Soham. I am a mother. Soham.  I am a wife.  Soham.  I am a nurturer.  Soham.  I am loving.  Soham.  I am enough.

I still can’t believe Tristan is 12 years old and in 7th grade … middle year of middle school.  I am so proud of this kiddo.  We just got back his school photos …

and he is amazing in all senses of the word.  I couldn’t be more proud to be his momma!

We’re so pleased with Brennen’s senior pictures too, but have decided not to publish them until graduation. Graduation?!?!?  I can’t believe my firstborn isn’t a boy anymore.  Where has the time gone?

I am so blessed with these kids and daily they fill my heart with love, pride and joy.  I am blessed.

18 years ago, Brennen Boo came quickly into this world.  Labor pains began when I woke at 8:00.  I assumed it would be a long labor so I went in to work.  By 2:00, I knew I needed to get to the hospital, post haste!  My mom drove me (after a short quick stop to pick up my new glasses) and was informed when I arrived that I was already 6 cm dilated.  2 hours later, almost to the dot, Boo made his grand appearance.

I knew he was special from moment one as (1) he was such an easy birth, and (2) he made sure his birth details were remarkable and memorable by distinguishing all his data with double numbers.  Born at 4:04 in room 232 on 10/10, he weighed in at 8 pounds 8 ounces and was 22.5 inches long (ok, he did throw in an extra half inch on his length, but still!). 

His birthday today was a bit disappointing as we didn’t get to celebrate.  He was scheduled to work after school and just returned home at 10:15 p.m.  He is/was scheduled to work every other day this week too, so the next day he has off, we’re planning a dinner for a belated celebration.  Our family tradition for birthdays is that the birthday person gets to choose the restaurant.  There’s no guessing with the boys … it’s always the Brazilian steak house.

When he came home, I easily (cough, cough) convinced him that we at least needed a single birthday photo.  This is a milestone!!!!  Lucky me, I got not one, but 3 pictures!!! Matt was already asleep, so he’s not pictured.  Please ignore my gaudy pj’s and overall blechy appearance.  I’m just thrilled I have a photo with my baby on his 18th birthday!!!!

My birthday boy

These kids are the light of my life

LOVE them!!!

Highlights of the day included Sherri sending me the sweetest message.  Yes, I cried.  I’m a crier and my precious friends and family frequently cause tears of gratitude with their kindness and thoughtfulness.  

I’m so proud of my 18-year-old and he will always be my baby.

B … I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living, My baby you’ll be. Thank you for making me a momma and introducing me to unconditional love.