I.Am.Tired.
I am emotionally exhausted from seeing my baby in almost constant pain for 10 consecutive days now. After ending last night on such a high note, I hoped to return to the same this morning. Unfortunately Brennen had vomited at 5:00 a.m. and couldn’t eat or drink anything due to another fluid aspiration which was scheduled for this morning. The aspiration ended up not being done until 11:30. They estimated they removed another 20 cc’s today and they left in an uncomfortable drain in his abdomen. The fluid aspirated on Friday is growing Alpha Hemolytic Strep (not sure which species yet). They have him on 3 antibiotics specific to the Strep and will adjust again once they know the species.

There is also another pocket of fluid which can’t be accessed to be drained, so we have to hope and pray that the antibiotics will take care of that smaller pocket…. worst case scenario, they’d have to operate.

Today, after the procedure he mostly slept. I keep praying that he’ll wake up, say “I feel great!” and “I’m hungry,” but that’s just not happening. He woke up in pain from the drain saying he didn’t even want to think about food.

Thankfully, his WBC count dropped again today (16.4) and his blood proteins are up so it wasn’t a completely discouraging day.

I did find my breaking point though… I was strong for almost 9 days. Yesterday (before he perked up) I had to leave Brennen’s room because I broke down in tears and couldn’t stop crying. Today, God cried with me on the way home… it actually rained! While I’m with Baby B though, I will continue to be comforting, silly, and strong. It’s in the job description of being a mom, right? There’s no crying in motherhood. : )